Friday, July 29, 2011

The Nick Offerman

Nick Offerman may not have always had a facial adornment, but when he began his run as Ron Swanson from NBC's Parks and Recreation, the man grew face-ticles. No one could make me want to turn more toward anarchy than this maurader of the mous-pocolypse.

The only protection he needs in jail is that murderous glean in his eyes and his shiv-stache.
As the man himself says in Parks and Rec: “I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years."  More after the jump...

"It’s a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God’s way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”

"Look at me, damnit. Now pray you have half this charisma."

Even if Nick is nothing like his television persona, everything that comes out of the mouth of Ron Swanson speaks the Code of The Moustache; bravery, freedom, and more testosterone than you could shake a twig-and-berries at. 

"This drink? Mainly moonshine. I added the milk of a mountain lion I hunted for three days in the wilds of Colorado; I believe in ingesting the strength of your conquered enemies."

In closing I ask only two things of you, dear readers. One, raise your glass the next time you ingest that fine whiskey or Milwaukee's Best Ice to Nick Offerman and his manstache. Two, tip your waitress - especially after you vomit on the table from getting so upset that you don't have your own Moustachetopia at the same level as this god among men.

"I'm Ron F***ing Swanson."

Don't be ashamed of your love for moustache.
Tell your friends about this moustache!
 Trust me, they wanna know.

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