Monday, January 9, 2012

The Jesse "The Body" Ventura

 Sometimes a man is more than his moustache; World, meet Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

"Put up yer dukes, terrorism."

I know many out there are familiar with this Navy Seal-turned-wrestler-turned-actor-turned-governor-turned-conspiracy-revealing television host, but what they may not know is that over the years Mr. Ventura has struggled not only against America's enemies but also with his own moustache.  Read more after the jump...

"Everyone's got their shit, man. Mine happens to reside on my face. Kinda hard to give THAT the Body Breaker"

In a recent off-the-record interview with Famoustache, Jesse revealed that he had to make a choice between governing the great state of Minnesota and governing the dead bodies of hundreds of choke-slammed innocents. That choice boiled down to shaving or keeping his facial swathe, respectively.

As the interview continued, Jesse had to thrice bring out a straight razor from his inside jacked pocket and shave down his miraculoustache. With each milimeter of hair growth, a mad twinkle appeared in his eyes until they resembled twin constellations of Orion's Heavyweight Champion Belt. It seemed that, if allowed to remain unchecked, Jesse's moustache demanded a blood sacrifice for each individual hair.

"I'll have the blood sausage, minus the sausage. Now hand me that fire axe and let's check some balances."
Half a year after this covert interview, I summoned the courage to write this article (that and they don't give too much access to the Internet in padded cells) and share a video smuggled from Jesse's private vault. I do this so that, should we here at Famoustache disappear again, you dear readers will know our plight and tell the authorities what REALLY happened.

Don't be ashamed of your love for mustache.
Tell your friends about this mustache!
 Trust me, they wanna know.


  1. Can there ever be, Aftershock? However, Jesse's arms are always fully loaded.

  2. I ain't got time to bleed.