Saturday, November 10, 2012

The Tom Hanks

"I have made fire from nothing! CHECK THIS SH*T OUT!"

There are very few Americans who have not, at one time or another, seen a movie with this Man of Hollywood, USA, Tom Hanks, have a hand in a top-ten favorite movie of theirs. From the tots of Toy Story fandom to the apostles of Apollo 13, this brother-from-another-mother made you wish he was your actual brother, whether genealogically or in that wing-man sort of way.  Read more after the jump...

    Jimmy Falon helps prove that it would have been a full house... of WOMEN... if Hanks had been there.

Well now America's #1 Stand Up Guy is stepping it up for his newest project, Saving Mr. Banks. Tom is playing one of the United States' most beloved icons (who in fairness also had a penchant for racism i.e. Song of the South), Walt Disney. For this role, since Disney was a man of his times, Hanks has gone from Hanky Panky to Hanky Flying-Dragon-Kick-Into-Full-Roundhouse with a bold new 'stache.

"I wish they would stop asking for 'Mustache Rides.'"
It's good to see Hanks back in the new 'stache groove, especially since it's been over a decade since we've seen some proper face-shag on this dude, "Right, Cast Away?" Granted, the comparison is like holding up a high class escort to a Detroit-down-on-her-luck-even-for-Detroit nightwalker, but at least the man is putting in some effort. **Applause**

"No, the curtains don't match the drapes. That is THE LAST place I'm getting sunburn, thank you!"

The last bit I want to get in before you get lost in Mr. Hanks's soulful eyes and thunderous mustache is that I hope he continues to grow his lip-tarp until it reaches "the Brimley" proportions. If I can hear the hairs diluting his words in the VA work for Toy Story 4 like a babbling brook, I will be sufficiently and utterly man-pleted.

Don't be ashamed of your love for mustache.
Tell your friends about this mustache!
 Trust me, they wanna know.

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